As hard as it may seem the best medicine for depression is to praise God and thank Him for all the things He has given us.
During these last couple of weeks I was depressed, angry and hurt and yet I kept running into verses that said Give thanks to the Lord, rejoice in the Lord always, and in everything give thanks. Needless to say at the time I felt irritated at this, how can I possibly give thanks when everything is going wrong and I am losing so much. But the Lord never gave up, I would be directed to job and to the psalms.
Finally I gave in and started giving God thanks for everything, even though in my heart I did not feel it. But then I started finding good things to thank God about in my situation, so I thanked Him more and before you know it I found acceptance of my circumtances and found myself feeling much better and not so miserable and depressed.
So thru It I learned how to overcome deep depression with Gods guidance. It also helps to remember that the feeling will not last forever, even though it feels like it will. So try to rejoice and give thanks even if you are only mouthing it at first. Read Job and the psalms, and allow God to work in your life.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
being open
If you have read thru my posts you will have noticed that I try to be open and honest about myself and how I am feeling. I do this because as the title suggests this is my walk with God. I am human and I make many mistakes. The reason why my website is called the least of His children is because I have brought shame to the Lord many times thru my drinking, using drugs, marrying 3 different times, and then finally being a lesbian which I have given up.
Because of my sins and the sins of others in my life I have had a very hard time in life. Here I am at 48 years old and feeling like I wasted so much of my life. Just about any type of suffering a woman can face I have gone thru. I have been beaten, raped, had my children abused by my ex husbands, used drugs, used alcohol, been depressed and atempted suicide, been abused as a child, lost a child (thru a forced abortion by my parents), gone hungry, thirsty, been homeless, had cancer, and now have many disablities as a result of my hard life. I have asked my Heavenly Father and my Lord and Saviour Jesus thru the Holy Spirit to forgive me and to forgive others who have hurt me and misused me and my children. And because I was a lesbian I also know in great detail what men go thru with women also.
There are not many problems that anyone has that I can't related to. But yet do I take pride in my hard life? NO! Because much of it was a result of not listening to the Lord. All of it is garbage, none of it matters. The only thing that really matters and did matter was that thru it all the bad and the few good times my Lord was with me and helped me. Even when I turned away from the narrow path He went looking for me. my God has been there every step of the way, and for that I thank HIM!!
So if you are suffering in anyway or feel guilt have hope! If God helped me then surely He will help you. Sometimes it will be right away, sometimes it will take years, sometime thru a miracle and sometimes thru the ordinary. HE will always give you want you need. Not what you want but what you need.
Because of my sins and the sins of others in my life I have had a very hard time in life. Here I am at 48 years old and feeling like I wasted so much of my life. Just about any type of suffering a woman can face I have gone thru. I have been beaten, raped, had my children abused by my ex husbands, used drugs, used alcohol, been depressed and atempted suicide, been abused as a child, lost a child (thru a forced abortion by my parents), gone hungry, thirsty, been homeless, had cancer, and now have many disablities as a result of my hard life. I have asked my Heavenly Father and my Lord and Saviour Jesus thru the Holy Spirit to forgive me and to forgive others who have hurt me and misused me and my children. And because I was a lesbian I also know in great detail what men go thru with women also.
There are not many problems that anyone has that I can't related to. But yet do I take pride in my hard life? NO! Because much of it was a result of not listening to the Lord. All of it is garbage, none of it matters. The only thing that really matters and did matter was that thru it all the bad and the few good times my Lord was with me and helped me. Even when I turned away from the narrow path He went looking for me. my God has been there every step of the way, and for that I thank HIM!!
So if you are suffering in anyway or feel guilt have hope! If God helped me then surely He will help you. Sometimes it will be right away, sometimes it will take years, sometime thru a miracle and sometimes thru the ordinary. HE will always give you want you need. Not what you want but what you need.
Monday, May 22, 2006
God answered my prayer and helped me.
I feel much better now about the whole thing. I realise now that I needed to leave the group. I hope that God shows them the way to go. A british member of another christian forum read all the letters I sent and the replies of the group moderator, plus the posts he made and this was his reply which was a Gift from God and I realise now that I was to be a witness to them and they rejected the message.
QUOTE
hi again,by the way im male not female as my gender sign indicates
ok now to this,ive read your messages and this is what i think
this is all a joke right??.i mean you making a litterate mistake in your phrase in a post,ie bright morning star........they ban you for a mistake by your wording??
those moderators are either draconian scribes of THE CHRISTS time or after your head for another reason
they dont know your a ex lesbian do they??......that youve just quit a relationship for god {which is awesome by the way}....if they do theres your reason,they were just waiting for you to trip up so they could ban you,seen it many times before
my advise is QUIT,there not true christians as theres no forgiveness or love within them,unfortunatly anybody can say they belong to the lord
lastly i apologise for the behaviour of my countrymen,were thankfuly not all like those on that forum.........*HUGS*
QUOTE
hi again,by the way im male not female as my gender sign indicates
ok now to this,ive read your messages and this is what i think
this is all a joke right??.i mean you making a litterate mistake in your phrase in a post,ie bright morning star........they ban you for a mistake by your wording??
those moderators are either draconian scribes of THE CHRISTS time or after your head for another reason
they dont know your a ex lesbian do they??......that youve just quit a relationship for god {which is awesome by the way}....if they do theres your reason,they were just waiting for you to trip up so they could ban you,seen it many times before
my advise is QUIT,there not true christians as theres no forgiveness or love within them,unfortunatly anybody can say they belong to the lord
lastly i apologise for the behaviour of my countrymen,were thankfuly not all like those on that forum.........*HUGS*
Sunday, May 21, 2006
gave up
Well I gave up on the cyberchurch. I am feeling quite betrayed right now and it is so hard for me to even get up the ambition to pray for others on other forums. It has left a bitter taste in my mouth and makes me think that maybe I should not even get involved with christian forums. I have been keeping phyically active which is quite painful for me because I have arthritis and fibromyalgia. Why they claim is only like a flue like body ache I don't know cause my pain is sharp and unberable without medication. I feel defeated and quite alone. If it were not for my Heavenly Father I don't know what I would do. with all that is going on sometimes I feel sorrow to the point of death.
At least you all know why I call myself the least of His children
At least you all know why I call myself the least of His children
Saturday, May 20, 2006
depressed
I hate this. I break up with my girlfriend for the Lord because I felt that being a lesbian was wrong and am grieving over the loss even though I felt like it was the right thing to do and I plan on being celebate. Then one minute I am highly repected member of this cyberchurch and the next day I am shut out because of a series of misunderstandings. It is not fair. I feel the same way I did when my father decided to teach me to swim by throwing me into the lake without any life preserver and with him standing at the shore watching and laughing.
Heavenly Father take away my shame and despair and please let the cyberchurch know that they have misjudged me.
Heavenly Father take away my shame and despair and please let the cyberchurch know that they have misjudged me.
A open letter to this same cyber church
Names have been omitted to protect the identity of the people involved.
I could have posted this under a false name but did not, so please hear me out,
please answer my emails as I strongly feel that I was misjudged by you and others.
My conscience is clear before my Heavenly Father the creator of Heaven and earth, who is unseen, and before Jesus Christ His ONLY BEGOTTEN son, 100% humand and 100% God who died for our sins, was buried and rose again from the dead and before the Holy Spirit who lives within me. After all that I have posted you actually believe that I could be the whatever groups you mentioned. In America we have no such cults as you described. We have a lot of them but none misuse the phrase bright morning star and all know that the son of the morning star is lucifer, the cherub who fell from his place in heaven because of his self pride over his beauty. Please don't assume that americans know what you are talking about because I have been in the church for quite a while and do not understand what spiritual excegists or whatever they are called.
Like I said I tried to remove the posts in my forum that were upsetting members of my flock after I saw your note about being careful with language.I was just trying to jolt some of them into actually being a member instead of a bystander. Should not you as a leader also be careful of how you misjudge others and not assume that a american will understand or even use such language? Is it love to assume the worst and force someone to try to defend themselves? I do not even understand why you are so worried about someone getting in, what are you afraid of?. Is not the Lord of hosts greater than he that is in the world? Where is your faith and dependence of HIM? I trust HIM to take care of me, and my unbelieving children. Shouldn't you trust Him to watch over the flock?
I realise that I must have upset unnamed and unnamed but I will not post a apology in a false name just to make things right because I do not believe in lying. I can't even post something stating that I meant son of the morning star. Come on God created the stars how could HE be its son? And my post concerning being overburden was NOT about you, I did not mention names as I felt that those who were really overworked would get the message. I am sorry that it bothered you but it really was not directed at you. I should have said something when I first saw your post but did not want to embarrass you in front of the other members.
But whatever you decide I have forgiven you and the others for what has happened and hold no grudges anymore. I have also asked My Heavenly Father creator of all that is seen and unseen, who created the stars and is not one of them to forgive you all as well.
I wish you all well,
love in Jesus Christ
amen
I could have posted this under a false name but did not, so please hear me out,
please answer my emails as I strongly feel that I was misjudged by you and others.
My conscience is clear before my Heavenly Father the creator of Heaven and earth, who is unseen, and before Jesus Christ His ONLY BEGOTTEN son, 100% humand and 100% God who died for our sins, was buried and rose again from the dead and before the Holy Spirit who lives within me. After all that I have posted you actually believe that I could be the whatever groups you mentioned. In America we have no such cults as you described. We have a lot of them but none misuse the phrase bright morning star and all know that the son of the morning star is lucifer, the cherub who fell from his place in heaven because of his self pride over his beauty. Please don't assume that americans know what you are talking about because I have been in the church for quite a while and do not understand what spiritual excegists or whatever they are called.
Like I said I tried to remove the posts in my forum that were upsetting members of my flock after I saw your note about being careful with language.I was just trying to jolt some of them into actually being a member instead of a bystander. Should not you as a leader also be careful of how you misjudge others and not assume that a american will understand or even use such language? Is it love to assume the worst and force someone to try to defend themselves? I do not even understand why you are so worried about someone getting in, what are you afraid of?. Is not the Lord of hosts greater than he that is in the world? Where is your faith and dependence of HIM? I trust HIM to take care of me, and my unbelieving children. Shouldn't you trust Him to watch over the flock?
I realise that I must have upset unnamed and unnamed but I will not post a apology in a false name just to make things right because I do not believe in lying. I can't even post something stating that I meant son of the morning star. Come on God created the stars how could HE be its son? And my post concerning being overburden was NOT about you, I did not mention names as I felt that those who were really overworked would get the message. I am sorry that it bothered you but it really was not directed at you. I should have said something when I first saw your post but did not want to embarrass you in front of the other members.
But whatever you decide I have forgiven you and the others for what has happened and hold no grudges anymore. I have also asked My Heavenly Father creator of all that is seen and unseen, who created the stars and is not one of them to forgive you all as well.
I wish you all well,
love in Jesus Christ
amen
Mistakes happen
Well I got banned from my goup because instead of using son of the morning star, I said lord of the morning star. I could have sworn that I put son of the morning star which refers to satan and not the other phrase.I had also told my flock that they were not praying enough or posting enough. Which apparently upset two of the non posting members
Well I have depression and sometimes I type the wrong words when I am feeling depressed. But now I am feeling angery about the whole thing and confused.
The passage I referred to was Isaiah 14:12 there is another verse regarding satan and that is ezekiel 28:12-19
I posted a passage referring to distibuting workload found in moses. Apparently the group moderator thought that I was referring to him alone. Several members had complained about being overburdened and I was trying to be helpful and yet this man assumed it was only about him.
And people wonder why there are so many churches. Well I don't need this kind of heartache especially since I am still grieving the loss of a loved one.
Heavenly Father please forgive this man and the church for what they have done and help me to find someway to minister to others in ways that will not be misinterpreted. In Jesus name I pray amen.
Well I have depression and sometimes I type the wrong words when I am feeling depressed. But now I am feeling angery about the whole thing and confused.
The passage I referred to was Isaiah 14:12 there is another verse regarding satan and that is ezekiel 28:12-19
I posted a passage referring to distibuting workload found in moses. Apparently the group moderator thought that I was referring to him alone. Several members had complained about being overburdened and I was trying to be helpful and yet this man assumed it was only about him.
And people wonder why there are so many churches. Well I don't need this kind of heartache especially since I am still grieving the loss of a loved one.
Heavenly Father please forgive this man and the church for what they have done and help me to find someway to minister to others in ways that will not be misinterpreted. In Jesus name I pray amen.
Monday, May 15, 2006
cruel love
Cruel love did snare me,
from You oh Lord I disowned,
a love forsaken
a sin so low,
a wanton lusting went I there,
like a dear trapped by a bear,
so mean and used did she be,
a Love was taken away from me,
that Love did not give up,
out it went a looking for it's lost lament,
finally you found me, my truest was sent,
broken and wounded Your lost was spent,
one crushed little deer,
you breathed life back in me right here,
like the gentle Father you really are,
to me you brought from afar,
love, kindness and understanding so great,
that the thought of Your Love so makes me faint.
I did not deserve any of it but You loved me
better than did that witch she was to thee.
No longer will I go to roads that travels
that promises laughter and gay to those who saddles,
but instead it is a snare you dare not go,
for from them is hatered and lust so vile,
that true Love slinks away from the bile,
from You oh Lord I disowned,
a love forsaken
a sin so low,
a wanton lusting went I there,
like a dear trapped by a bear,
so mean and used did she be,
a Love was taken away from me,
that Love did not give up,
out it went a looking for it's lost lament,
finally you found me, my truest was sent,
broken and wounded Your lost was spent,
one crushed little deer,
you breathed life back in me right here,
like the gentle Father you really are,
to me you brought from afar,
love, kindness and understanding so great,
that the thought of Your Love so makes me faint.
I did not deserve any of it but You loved me
better than did that witch she was to thee.
No longer will I go to roads that travels
that promises laughter and gay to those who saddles,
but instead it is a snare you dare not go,
for from them is hatered and lust so vile,
that true Love slinks away from the bile,
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Submitting to God
sub·mit
1. To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.
2. To subject to a condition or process.
sub·mis·sion
1.
1. The act of submitting to the power of another:
2. The state of having submitted.
2. The state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.
These past 2 weeks had been a hard one for me. I had been used by God despite the fact that I been in a relationship that was displeasing to the Lord. As time went on I realised that I would have no peace about this until I fully submitted to God and ended the relationship. Ending it brought new feelings of loss and depression and I felt abandoned by God. But had I been abandoned? No as I was really mourning the loss of this relationship.
But now I have a freer realtionship with My Heavenly Father. I no more feel guilty about it. And now I can be used by God to do His will with no obsticles. I ""put off the sin which so easly entangles us.""
I had not intented to be a example of submission but yet I was made one by God. May you be able to submit your sins and burdens to Him as well.
Heavenly Father please give us as the ability to completely surrender to your will so that we can be mightly used by you to accomplish your will with nothing holding us back.
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